There's no going back to the place we started from (Part 2)

This is part 2 of a much-needed update...

MY FIGHT.

So after all the talk, training, the ass-kickings, all the bullshit I went through, I got my fight last Friday. I had to cut weight on Thursday, and let me say that it really does suck. Not the physical effects, but it is a total mindfuck. But I did it, I cut about 10 lbs in 2 days, from eating little and drinking little.

But as the fight came closer, I got more nervous and focused. Not nervous in a bad way, because from my comedy career I've gotten used to being under pressure and accustomed to being in front of people. All last week all I could think about was what I was gonna do, how I was gonna do it, just mentally preparing myself for every single possible scenario. Even mentally preparing myself for what it'd be like to get hit hard, so that none of it felt new and would surprise me. I am very meticulous and I like to prepare for every possible scenario.

So Friday comes, and I'm getting ready. I've got all my gear and my food and I'm ready to go.

I get there, and I'm greeted by Andy, one of my buddies who's also fighting this night, and has been my main training partner for the fight. He's got the same look as I do; like it's time to go to fucking war and beat some ass. We go in and sign in, and get our medicals done.

Problem #1: My blood pressure was too high. I was nervous as shit when they checked me up; my blood pressure is normally very low. The lady tells me to calm down and get it done again. I do and I'm ok'd to fight.

But compared to Andy, Fish, and Wild Bill, I'm still nervous about fighting. I can't help it, I'm a very anxious individual. I pop on my headphones and listen to lullaby renditions of TOOL and Nirvana. I slowly zone out and withdraw mentally from everyone around me. I am preparing for everything, and the time for worrying and planning is over. The fight is only moments away; I can't learn anything new. I have to believe in myself and believe in what I'm capable of. So they announce the fights and I see my opponent for the first time. Some tough-looking guy, kinda white-trashy. Cut-off jersey. But I know just from looking at him that he is not as prepared as I am and doesn't have a fraction of the skills that I have. And as I saw him later before we fought, he was actually very nervous. He didn't know he was fighting me yet, but when I looked him in the eyes at the hall he wouldn't look at me. He was too afraid and didn't know what he was doing. Later when we were getting gloved up he kept asking my name; I looked at him, and pounded fists with him. He was trying to talk to me, but I'd have none of it. Nothing against him, but I'm fighting him, and I have nothing to say to him.

This is mixed martial arts, cage fighting, no-holds-barred...whatever you wanna call it. This is the toughest sport on earth. I'm not gonna walk around and pose like a badass, but I'm not gonna act buddy-buddy either. I came to fight. Yes it's a sport and I intend to act with class, but I'm not gonna kiss anyone's ass and try to make you feel better. Whatever; he had no business in the cage anyhow.

So I'm just walking around, listening to mellow music, trying to calm down and be focused. I put on my shorts, get taped up, and get ready. I can tell that people notice a change in me. My demeanor went from nervous and joking to calm, quiet, and focused. My buddy's taking pictures of me as I'm warming up and getting my hands wrapped, but I don't pay attention. I'm walking around the venue, accustoming myself to the place, making it my territory. This is my cage, my territory, and I will not allow anyone to take it from me. I was the fourth fight on the card, and the second one of our guys fighting. A lot of people from the gym came out to support us. I didn't bring any family or friends, because I know that I don't want to be distracted or emotionally affected by having anyone else there. I don't want to deal with anyone, I want to shut the world out and prepare for the fight. This isn't like comedy; this is serious business. I could get hurt in there. I could get knocked the fuck out and have to go to the hospital.

The first fight's up, my teammate Wild Bill is fighting at heavyweight to start the fight. I was too busy getting my hands wrapped to watch the fight, and I wasn't trying to pay attention to it since I was preparing for my fight. I didn't see much, but he lost a decision. It was his first night too, but I didn't let it affect me.

Soon, my fight's up. By this time my nerves have calmed down to the point that I wasn't even warmed up. I hit pads for a bit, but I was so relaxed and calm that it didn't work. I hear my name called and I slowly walk towards the cage. It's time. At this point I feel like a zombie; I'm so calm and tranquil that I am completely detached from the outcome. I step into the cage, and I feel completely numb. Kinda like being onstage, but I am totally tranquil. It's scary, it's like my brain and my consciousness shut off. My opponent walks into the cage and I can tell that he's not sure what he's getting himself into. The ref starts the fight and it's on.

It happened like a blur. It felt like I wasn't even there; like I was watching myself from afar. I threw my jab like we went over before, and I felt a pain in my shoulder. But I'm still completely calm. Then he throws a punch and I pounce on his head. As soon as he backed away I went crazy. I punched him some more, backed him into the fence, and took him down.

From there, my instincts took over and I kept hitting him in the face. My main fighting style is jiu jitsu, but I'm not even considering submitting him, or even passing the guard. My corner shouts to pass, and I do. Then they tell me to push on his face to make space to hit him, and I do. I keep hitting him, and the fight's over. I completely dominated him.

But as soon as the fight was over I felt this horrible pain in my left shoulder. Turns out I dislocated it in the beginning of the fight. It hurt like fucking hell.

My friend Julius tried to pop it back in, but to no avail. It hurt like hell. I went to the hospital and had it popped in, and now it's in a sling. And I gotta take a few weeks off and some rehab before it's ok.

I'm too tired right now, so I'm gonna go. But I wanna say that I learned more in these few weeks preparing for the fight than I've ever learned in my life. I learned who I am. Who I really am, when the pressure is on. How tough I am, how aggressive I am. But most of all, I learned that I'm not like everyone else. That deep down in me, there's something hidden in me that few others have. That I'm really more of a tough guy than I am a pretty boy. But that I can be all those things, and it's okay. I have depth. And I am also very tired.

Good night.

There's no going back to the place we started from

Things have changed, forever. It's been a long time and too much has happened since I've posted here, so I'm gonna make this a two-parter. This is the first part:

It's almost a joke just how much shit happens in my life. Let's recap what happened in the the past month. I:

was treated like a sex object by an obnoxious drunk 50 year old woman

got arrested

got kicked out of the house

moved in with my grandparents

got knocked out in training

went on a date with a hot Brazilian girl

was offered a bartending job at a sweet bar with hot chicks working there

----

To think that only a year ago my life wasn't interesting enough. Just how was I arrested and kicked out of the house? Excellent question.

A few weeks ago on a Sunday I was backing out of the driveway, and I accidentally hit my brother's car. Damaged the passenger-side mirror and scratched the door. Needless to say, he being the nutjob that he is, flipped out. Went into my room, took my computer, took my BJJ gi, and tried yet again to make me feel like accidentally hitting his car makes me a piece of shit. Oh, and how horrible and how careless of a driver I was. Him, telling ME how I'm a careless driver...when only a month before he TOTALLED his car because he fell asleep at the wheel. It's as if Chaldeans are genetically incapable of registering the state of irony.

So he flips out and bitches, because well he sucks at life and it's really all his fault. I don't feel bad for him one bit. Everyone says he's just frustrated because he just got out of law school and has a lot of debt...that's bullshit. I'm not going to feel bad for anyone who went to his dream school and did what he wanted to do. He didn't want to be a lawyer, and now he's a lawyer. Too late. If he didn't like the work and the shitload of debt he accrued.............................HE SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO LAW SCHOOL. Nobody put a fucking gun to his head and made him be a lawyer and go to super-expensive UCLA and take on $300,000+ of debt.

Regardless, he flips out and I do nothing. I told him I'd pay to get his car fixed. I do work after all. But he's a dickhead, plain and simple. I figured I'd pay the money to fix his car, and he'd feel like shit and give me my things back. Not that way.

The next morning, he took a hammer to my car and smashed the fuck out of it. He can verbally abuse me all he wants; it has no effect on me. But you never, EVER, EVER touch my personal belongings. Even if my car is a total piece of shit; it's my car and as a man you do NOT disrespect my things like that and get away with it. So I punched him in the face a few times. And he, being the coward that he is, called the cops on me and had me arrested. Wait, it gets better.

Remember when I said that my brother is a lawyer? Apparently he doesn't know jack shit about the law. They arrested him too. And, ironically, for a higher crime than mine. I was charged with a misdemeanor, and he was charged with a FELONY. He's a LAYWER, and from a top-20 law school. Karma's a motherfucker, innit?

So I went to jail and nearly missed work that day. So I had to run 3.5 miles from the cop shop to my house, when I packed my shit and headed to work. And now I'm staying at my grandparents' place, which isn't bad. I'd like to return home, but he's there, and he won't leave. Dickhead doesn't wanna spend money on an apartment, but he has no problems with paying rent on his office. Yeah, he's really not that smart. My mom wants ME to return home and him to leave, but I left.

I'm not worried though. I talked to the court-appointed attorney and at worst I'll get a year of probation, and there's a good chance they'll dismiss it, so I won't have a criminal record. And thankfully I got my financial aid check from OCC, which will cover all the costs of my probation, and then some.

But overall I've been super-fucking-hella-busy. Work, school, this bullshit, and I got a fight on Friday. And I finally got that elusive bartending gig I've been wanting for a while. My buddy Geese hooked me up; it's a cool place and there are some cute girls working there. Plus it'll give me an opportunity to make more money and finally, finally, move out on my own. I'm ready.

I need to move out and be on my own. I've been able to somehow stay on top of school and kick ass in that and work, and training. Meh, training could be better. But after this fight, I'm not gonna fight until at least January so I can balance my work and school, and this new job. I'll still do jiu jitsu, because I love it and it keeps me in shape and mentally sharp.

Despite all this crap, life ain't that bad. A few weeks ago I was on a date with this Brazilian girl I met in school. She sat next to me at the computer, and she started talking to me. I love being good looking; opportunities like these do present themselves. :) It was a good date; I didn't expect anything but to have a “normal” date. Pay for everything, talk, hold her hand, and kiss her at the end of the night. And I did all those things, and it felt very normal and I felt very cool and calm overall. The physical thing I feel I could be more comfortable with, but dating honestly doesn't feel that nerve-wrecking, once I'm on the date. The kiss was awesome. It's too bad she never called me, because after kissing her I felt a real connection with her. Not like the last girl I dated. I enjoyed kissing her and I felt like something was there. But it's okay; that's dating and I did great. Things keep getting better from here. And this bartending gig is proof. :)

But I got this fight that has been my focus for this week. Dieting, training, and mental preparation. I'm ready for this. I'm a bit nervous and been thinking a lot about it, but I feel like I'm getting ready. I know my strengths, my weaknesses, and my limits. I know my opponent and I know he doesn't have the skill I do. He doesn't want this as bad as me. He isn't willing to prepare as hard as I have, and sacrifice as much as I have. This fight means so much to me, that I really can't explain. It's my chance to assert myself, to test myself, and to see exactly what I'm made of. I admit I'm a little scared of getting knocked out in the first 5 seconds, but I am prepared for anything in this fight. I've been working a lot on my striking, as that's probably my weakest area. My ground game is my high point; I will use my jiu jitsu to overwhelm him and finish him, either with strikes or with a submission. I know he stands no chance on the ground against me.

But I'm gonna take off for now. Just gonna relax at Caribou and sleep early, chill tomorrow and study, and train some more. I can't wait for this to be over with. Life has been too crazy thus far, and I need to balance things out.

----------------------------------------

Part two coming up....

I'm fighting!

It's official. After one year, five months, and twenty-two days of training MMA, I will be making my amateur debut. This is it. Finally. After all the training and dieting, after all the bullshit I went through last year in my personal life, hell, after all the bullshit I've been through in my life period, I finally get my chance to prove myself and see just what the hell I'm made of.

I feel so many things. I feel excited; I definitely feel ready. I knew that this would come soon, and I've been working diligently and not complaining about getting a fight, because I knew that this moment would come soon. And now it's more real, and that makes me very, very focused and ready. I also feel a bit nervous. Not a lot, but a little. Mainly because I'm afraid of getting bum-rushed in the opening seconds and having the fight be over just like that. I'm a tactician; not a trigger-happy brawler. I plan on waging this fight on all fronts, and I have the skills to handle myself in all of them. Ideally I want this fight to be a chess match; that's the kind of fight I excel at. But I also know that I'm tougher than I give myself credit for, and I've also got a proven chin and heavy hands, even though I don't always think so. It's going to be very hard to knock me out, and that's not considering my reach advantage. My goal is to beat him up on the feet, take him down, and use my jiu jitsu to win the match, by submission or from strikes. Don't get taken down, don't play his game. Don't play the typical amateur game of let's-both-come-out-guns-blazing-because-we're-nervous-and-jacked-up-on-adrenaline. I'm not gonna blow my wad in the first 30 seconds, and then be gassed for the rest of the fight. I know I've got the cardio, conditioning, and intelligence to fight effectively and efficiently throughout the whole fight. Overall I feel ready and focused to do this. I know I'm going to win. I don't know this guy, but I know there are very few people with the mental focus, determination, and craftiness that I have, in addition to my physical attributes. He has no chance of winning. I know exactly what I'm going to do, how I'm going to do it, and I'm going to win this fight mentally. At the end of the day, ask any half-decent fighter, from local amateurs to the greatest champions, and they all will say that fighting is 100% mental.

As far as the dating front...I don't know what it is, but I've just been afraid. I recently reached an epiphany....

I'm afraid of making eye contact with people.

I don't know what it is, but it's very rare that I look into people's eyes. I do not like it. Partially because growing up everyone thought I was creepy, and I'm afraid of provoking people. I'll do it with girls, but I feel very nervous and uncomfortable with it, and I think they can sense it.

I CAN however hold and maintain eye contact with women I'm very close to. If it's someone I know and trust, and I trust that I can be open with them, then it's okay. With the last girl I was talking to I was able to, and she had very beautiful eyes. With my old friend, I always looked her in the eyes, even if she didn't reciprocate. Even with some girls I'm not close with I like to look into their eyes...I just feel drawn to them.

But it's scary to get lost in someone like that. And it's absolutely mortifying for someone to see me that way too. To know that someone can see my fear, weakness, and all the things I try so hard not to show. I do not like to show weakness to others, because I'm afraid of having it used against me. It's scary to be so vulnerable; to expose yourself to someone else. I need to work on that.

The semester started. So far, so good. Life's overall pretty good right now. Work, school, and now a fight. Just need a girlfriend and I'd be all set for now.

Blessing you with every kiss

So dearest blog of mine...I think we have a good vibe going. True I don't ALWAYS write when something happens in my life, but at least I don't bother you with meaningless drivel like "OMG I WENT TO WORK AND JITZ. THE END."

In fact, I'm kinda surprised I managed to consistently update this as much as I have. Go me. Raising the bar millimeters higher by the day.

So, some good news yesterday. I got a new job. WOO HOO!

Okay, so I'm not as excited as I maybe should be. And I think that's because that I haven't been able to keep a steady, DECENT job for very long. I got hired to do records for a medical clinic, which is good. I'm happy because it's pretty easy, it's something I know how to do, the pay and hours and working environment are great (no balls-hot kitchens and waking up at 4 AM), and to top it off it's no more than 10 minutes away. And I get weekends off, so I can actually go out and have fun on Friday & Saturday nights. So why am I not totally geeked?

Because the last time I got a job like this, they let me go after 2 weeks. Granted I came in late and it seemed like a very stuck up and banal place, but still. And I hadn't found a cushy office job since. But seeing things as fucked up as they are, I will definitely not fuck around and at least come in on time. And work hard as fuck at first at least, so they don't feel inclined to can my broke ass.

So things have fizzled with me and the girl I was talking to. And though I'm more peeved about it than I thought I'd be because I did like her and enjoy talking to her. But like I said, I wouldn't be upset if I never saw her again, and that hasn't changed.

I think the problem was that I misread her and that she probably just wanted to get laid that night. Yes we did kiss, but as soon as she put the breaks, I stopped, and didn't try to get her naked again. I was buying into her frame of, "Ohhh, this is too fast". Which yes it could have been, but oh well. It wouldn't have hurt to try again. New rule: NO woman in the right mind will lay in a bed with a guy she just met if she didn't want anything to do with him sexually. In other words, if I'm in a bed with a girl, odds are pretty good she might want to have sex. It's not 100% obviously, but I think you get more respect for trying.

But I'm not mad at all. Actually I kinda was for a TEENY WEENY bit, just some old feelings of neediness. But I don't really feel anything. Plus it's not like I might not see her or talk to her again; things very well might happen. Or not. It makes no real difference.

Besides, I didn't give a shit about that since I've been more worried about getting a job.

What else? Oh yeah, I caved in and bought ear guards for MMA. I drained a very nasty cauli in my left ear last week. But, since it's located RIGHT next to the ear canal opening, it was hard to drain. So I went through the cartilage in my lower ear to get it. OUCH. My ear is sore as shit, and I can barely touch it. So I got some headgear to protect my left ear until it heals. And if I keep wearing it, no more cauli. I've already got a little in my ears but they're not very noticeable. I used to think it was badass and a badge of honor, but really it just hurts like hell. I could barely train this week because it hurt that much. And my idiot brother totaled his car, so he's been using mine. Weaksauce.

This weekend should be fine. Tonight I gotta babysit my grandpa, and tomorrow I may go to the Post for my friend's birthday. Haven't seen her in a while.

Oh, I've also been talking to #5 again a bit. I'd like to hang out with her some more, but I'm not sure what her deal is. Ciao.

Footsteps in the Dark

Well well well. Quite a weekend to report.

I'm at a very weird point right now in my life. I've been thinking of what I've been doing with my life, where I'm going, and everything in between. I've kinda realized that I'm at the point where I need to get a career. Like, NOW. It's just been so hard with how depressingly bad the economy is, and to be honest it doesn't get to me that much. But the fact is, I live with my negative mom, and my even-more-negative brother, and if I had the money I would never live with them. I don't like to be around my brother and I don't wish to fill my life with anything but positive people that will ENHANCE my life and have integrity in themselves. I don't live with people like that at the moment.

So I gotta do something. If I can get a badass bartending gig and makes lots of dough to live on my own, great. Just something so that I can live in my own and support myself (and not live paycheck to paycheck), train BJJ and MMA, and finish college on my own. So I'm gonna see what I'll do. Living at home is becoming more and more unattractive. My family puts too much pressure on me and expects me to somehow have a good job and career TOMORROW. They (rightfully) bust my balls for not finish my undergrad yet...but the reality is that's not a guarantee for anything anymore. I know lots of people with bachelor degrees that are waiting tables and not much else. It's hard out there for everyone, and I could easily finish my bachelor's in liberal arts in 2 years, but it wouldn't get me anywhere. So I have to do what I have to do, and times are shitty, but I'm actually very optimistic. I know I can do it. And I absolutely, truly, and from the bottom of my very heart...do not give a fuck what anybody else thinks. I am absolutely capable of doing whatever the fuck I want to do. I'm not going to let anyone else's emotions and negativity wear me down.

The good news is that I'm almost done paying off the one grant I *had* to pay, so as soon as I get my money from financial aid, it'll be paid off. And then I can save money easier and finally get my personal training certification. I know I can do it. And I truly believe I could be a success at it.

Anyway, some more good news. I had another date with her Friday. Went to her apartment, watched her eat a Greek Salad on this place on Woodward, and we just had fun. I like her. Not in that lovey-dovey foo-foo way, but she's just cool to hang around. And she still has pretty eyes. But even though I sat there diligently and didn't eat (since I'm still dieting + training), she didn't mind. So I like the fact that she respects what I do. But I like our little dynamic going on right now. She just got out of a 6 year relationship, and she's ready to move on, yet not trying to just jump into things. And oddly enough, I never realized but I'm not so sure I want a relationship right now. MMA and fighting are too much at the forefront of my life right now, that a serious relationship would be a distraction to me. Odd. But it doesn't upset me; I feel very lucky to train and to have surrounded myself with good friends. And to even have the social life that I do now. So I don't feel as lonely.

So afterward we were hanging out at her place, partaking in certain activities that will soon be legal in our fine state ;), and she suggested we watched Coming to America. Now, I know I'll get flamed for this, but I've never seen this movie before. Ever. So we watched it. Fucking hysterical movie; I can't believe I've been missing out all this time.

Anyway, that moment came. Since I still hadn't kissed this girl, that cliche moment that occurs in EVERY movie scene that involves a date was right in front of me: How do I kiss this girl?

That do or die moment. At this point, I think I'd put my dating and relationship experience at an ok enough level to know what to do. But I was still kinda nervous. Not the "OH SHIT! I NEED TO GET LAID AND THIS IS IT I CAN'T SCREW IT UP WITH THIS ONE!!!" but just where I would have liked to kiss her, and wasn't sure if it was the right time, and how to initiate it.

I kinda realized though...if you're wondering whether you should kiss a girl at that moment, then THAT'S the time to do it. Especially if you're alone together. I've always had that same "OH SHIT" feeling right before locking lips with every girl I've done it with, and I think that's just nature's way of telling me "kiss her you dumbfuck."

But since she's not so much the touchy-feely type, that didn't quite work. I admit I should have been more assertive in the whole touching thing, but whatever. I was nervous, only because of inexperience. Eventually she asked me "What?"

I told her, "I was gonna kiss you." She just looked at me, and I went for it.

*smooch*

It was nice. One very thing I've learned from pickup, is that when it comes to a first kiss, anything that isn't a direct "no" is a yes. It was good. Very laid back, especially since we were both high. It did get a little heavy for a bit but she kinda stopped me as she wasn't comfortable, so I went with it. Not in a hurry. Afterward we were both tired so I took off.

I'd say it was a success. I was very happy with the fact that I was very relaxed overall and didn't get overexcited (for the most part lol). I'm starting to see the differences in our personalities and views, but overall it's ok. I could tell she was a bit uncomfortable with things escalating, and that's fine with me. She seemed very vulnerable and unsure, which I can understand. We'll just play things by ear and see what happens.

I could go on, but it's useless. I've pretty much said it all. Until next time, blog dearest of mine...

"C'est la vie" said the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell

So I've been doing stuff. Yeah, lots to talk about.

I got let go from my job, but I'm VERY VERY close to getting a new one. I had a very interesting interview at this new bar opening up in the D, and even though I probably made every interview mistake in the book, I managed to win them over with my quirky charm and witty anecdotes. And I got an interview Tuesday to bounce at a strip club. Hopefully I can parlay that into a make-shitloads-of-money-as-a-bartender gig eventually, which is my eventual goal. I don't really WANT to work in a strip club, and I'm definitely NOT doing to date strippers. But I've also heard that strip club bouncers make lots of dough.

So I'm back down to 199, and very close to my lowest low, which was when I got the most attention from chicks. So that's nice. I had a fun cheat day and ate lots of crap, so I feel very fat and happy right now.

But the biggest thing I've got to talk about is...I've actually met a girl. I was out in Ferndale with Dylan at this new place that opened up, and the whole time I noticed this cute little blonde eyeing me. Every time I saw her, she was looking at me. She was cute. Petite, short blonde hair, big blue eyes. She was sitting with guy friends, so I didn't want to deal with that. Eventually Dylan and I captured a seat near her. Then he got up and left after some REALLY hot chick approached him out of the blue and asked him to dance with her single friend (I thought I was hot stuff until I saw that *LOL*, but he's the man so more power to him) so I got up and sure enough, said chick ended up planting herself on OUR couch. I came back to reclaim my spot, and we kinda started vibing from there. She's very eccentric, much like me. She's also pretty smart, funny, and cute. Not "OHHHH DAMNNN", but she is attractive, and has big blue eyes, which I like. We exchange #s, and I head off.

Now, I'm still somewhat on the fence about this girl. I know she likes me, and there are things I like about her so far. I like that she's kinda quirky like me, and we can talk about all sorts of random and crazy shit that would weird out the entire universe. I like that we both like similar movies and are both South Park fans. I like that we both come from that geeky world, and are similar. In fact, she's probably nuttier than me. Imagine that, me being the NORMAL one for once in my life. :)

BUT...there's a few things I don't like about her. Main thing is, she talks WAY TOO MUCH. Even though it's usually something intelligent and not necessarily stupid, she still talks too goddamn much. And it's annoying.

So last night when I was at a lair meeting, I went to the mall to hang out with her for a bit. Our first "date", if you will. I won't, so fuck those of you that will. :) In community parlance we refer to it as a "day 2".

We just hung around and bullshitted while I babysit her. She bought stuff for her aunt's birthday which she was attending that night. It was all right, except the fact that she just doesn't quit. We didn't kiss or anything but we laughed and had a good time, and in the very few moments of silence we gazed in each other's eyes. She does have pretty eyes. She says right now she's not looking for anything serious, but like I've been told, it may or may not be true. Time will tell. And even though I do want a serious relationship, I oddly enough don't know if I want one yet with her. It's probably better that way. I haven't really romanticized her or put her on a pedastal in my head, and with good reason. She's too damn chatty. I really wouldn't mind fooling around with her, but to be honest, I don't care either way, oddly enough. There's pros and cons, and I have a strange feeling that no matter what happens, I win. She's hot and I could hook up with her, or I don't and I don't have to hear her incessant yakking again. The point is, I'm not attached to the outcome with her. I LIKE her so far, but I'm just taking it easy, and I think she is too. So we'll see what happens. I'm just doing it for the experience, so for me it can't hurt.

But all in all, things are all good. I'm still gonna talk to other girls and whatnot, and see where that goes. Things are starting to come together. And that is good.

Heaven's on your mind

Aside from this week, the last few weeks since my last update have been uneventful. Eventful shit occurred; hence, I shall update.

In my quest to become an uber-badass cagefighting demon, things have been good. I just completed the priming phase of my diet, and I'm down to about 202. I look just as good as when I was emaciated at 180-whatever. I feel good physically, not bad. And today's my cheat day, so I shall be enjoying some pizza momentarily. Since I got my blue belt, I've been keeping a training journal, filled with notes from every class I attend, to help me remember all the shit that we learn. I realized how little I know ever since getting my blue belt, so now it's time to amp things up. Tournaments will be much more difficult, as everyone at my level knows the basic moves. I'm going to one in September, so I wanna be ready. I wanna compete at 190 or so, but if I gotta go at 200, I think I'll be fine. I know I am very technical for a new blue belt, more so than others.

I rolled with a blue from our sister school. He smoked me before when I was a 3-stripe white. But now, he felt very sloppy and not-technical. He tried to bully me with strength and speed, but I wouldn't have it. He didn't feel very smooth and patient at all, which is what jiu jitsu is about. He has more experience than me and he probably beat me on points, but I swept and reversed him plenty. I've gotten more comfortable as a blue, but I know there's ALWAYS room for improvement.

So I got fired from the story Wednesday. I was very upset by this, as I loved working there. I loved the stability of not jumping from job to job. But I still have another job. And I applied and had an "audition shift" at a very popular bar and restaurant in my area, which is what the bulk of this post will be about.

It sucks to be a busser, I admit. But I want to work as a bartender very badly, and in this economy, you gotta do what you gotta do. Plus I need the money. It's somewhat belittling to be 24 and still working some shit job likee that, but oh well.

So I went in to work there this Saturday for an audition shift. Basically, they had me and some other dude work together and they had others on different days, and then they'd pick people. The only thing that sucked was that they told us might not get paid, which REEKED of suspicion to me. But, this is something I want, and I know times are shit and people will fuck you however they can.

But I did get tipped out okay at the end of the night. So it wasn't entirely fruitless. And the clientele weren't as bad as I thought. Everyone was very nice and friendly. And I did get checked out and flirted with a few girls there. It was surprising to me to see so many girls looking at me as I walked by. I think I did a great job, much better than the other guy. I worked hard, I helped out everyone, and I jived with my potential coworkers pretty well. I also noticed one of the hostesses had some of the prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen. Blonde, pale, and her eyes. Mmmmm...:) We did some eye flirting, and she introduced herself to me later in the night. All of the waitstaff were hot, and the place is full of hot chicks who were attracted to me, which I didn't expect.

I like it alot, even though it's bussing. It's a cool place and I definitely feel like I'll get the job there.

So that's about it. If I don't get the job there, I still can work at the hotel doing breakfast, which means I have to get up at 5 in the morning, but it's work. Still it was nice to meet new people and get validation for being me. :)

On a final note, Alice in Chains is coming out with a new album! I've been listening to the single "A Looking in View" all day long. Granted the new singer isn't Layne Staley, but with Cantrell on backup vocals, it still feels familiar. Anyway, time to have some pizza and get fat. :)